YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
