I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
