i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize