I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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