I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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