Duck Duck Cougar?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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