Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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