You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
