Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
