Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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