I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He passed out mid-signature
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
