Say something about gay babies.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
