I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize