it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
