Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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