Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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