Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
