if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
