But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
3pm strippers are depressing
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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