I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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