we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
