i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
