also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We left an ass print on the piano.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
