I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
