I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
