eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
