she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
