So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
