I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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