i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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