Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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