I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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