yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
