I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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