After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize