she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
