I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
