I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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