he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
