Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
