I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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