so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
