he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
