I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
