All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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