yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
