yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
