Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
