so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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