Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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