are you still at the devil's house?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
