whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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