cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
