The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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