You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
why is half of my head shaved?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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