so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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