Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
