yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Bring me that man meat
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
