i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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