okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Found the puke drawer
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
