Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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