I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
