So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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