The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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