Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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