well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
