I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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