I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
