the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
