Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
