One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
