But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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