you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
